theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
