SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
