if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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