My nipple is on Facebook.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
