I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
