2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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