We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
