We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
