I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
