There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
