Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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