There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
