You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
