the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
