Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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