Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
