I want to have your abortion
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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