Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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