i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
