I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
