when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
