Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
