My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize