so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
