Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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