Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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