we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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