You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
