I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
