I'm lost and stupid without you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
