it hurts more in the daytime
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
