Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
