Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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