Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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