I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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