Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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