GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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