It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
