Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
