mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
