i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
