I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
