What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
