I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
