my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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