i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
