It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
