You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
