i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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