I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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