He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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