Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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