I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
