Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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