Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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