what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
