I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
