remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
