i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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