i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
