im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
