Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
