There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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