i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
