Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
