About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
