good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
